Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
