Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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