$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
