Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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