Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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