Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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