you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
