My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
