don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
