hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
