Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
