The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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