i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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