porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
honey bunches of taint.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
