....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
