I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
