She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
