I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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