i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
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