There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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