So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
