You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
