You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
handjob tips. give me some.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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