She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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