drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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