Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
