I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
