I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
