I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
