respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
My ass is underappreciated
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
