I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
So squirting runs in the family.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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