her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
