So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Randomize
