is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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