dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
