considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
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