The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
