also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
