C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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