dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
But break dance skills will only take you so far
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
