Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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