I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
There's always time for handjobs
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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