Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Randomize
