Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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