8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
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