Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
