I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
