and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
