i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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