I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
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