good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
